Bad Glacier

Sometimes my imagination gets away from me…

Years ago, before we stopped planting things in the garden, my family used to have a compost pile, but no longer. Now we just throw our organic garbage into the field behind the house. I walk out there today with an old cantaloupe and a few chewed-up ears of corn, and I look out at the field and realize, “Hey, this is a corn field. And I’m throwing corn cobs into it. That’s kinda weird, in a Vlad the Impaler sort of way.”

Obviously, there must have been a Vegetable Resistance. The humans defeated the uprising, and I am now charged with the gruesome duty of delivering the skinned, boiled, chewed-up remains of the Resistance leaders into the heart of the field to show the rest of the population just how unfuckwithable we really are. We must destroy their will to fight, crush their morale, so that Cornstalk Warriors will never again stumble out of the field, hungry for fertilizer… and human blood.

And then I realize I’ve been standing at the edge of a field with a bucket of starting-to-get-moldy vegetable matter for several minutes. I toss it into the field and walk back inside.

“The corn is starting to get tall, isn’t it?” my mom asks.

“Yeah, if it rains soon like it’s supposed to, it’ll get knee-high by July for sure,” I say.

They are too small to challenge us yet. But when they are, we’ll be waiting… weed whackers and Roundup at the ready.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, June 15th, 2005 at 1:34 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.