Bad Glacier

As a follow-up to yesterday’s post, here are some helpful grammar tips:

• Split infinitives like the plague.
• Dangling cliches are something up with which I will not put.
• Don’t verb the singular form of data.
• The number of the subject determines the number of apostrophes in the plural form of the next noun.
• I before e, except after lunch.
• Omit needless words. Important, you the.
• “Pinball Wizard” was written by whom? No, The Who.
• Note the difference between “affect” and “effect.” You can affect an outcome, but your attempts to do so may cause a tidal wave in China to make a butterfly flap its wings, thus creating another tidal wave, setting into motion an infinite loop leading to the destruction of every coastal city on Earth. This is an effect.
• Use a dash to attack the level boss when he raises his arms, exposing the weak point in his armor.
• Semicolons are less harmful than alcohol and have therapeutic uses as a pain reliever and an appetite stimulant for people with serious diseases, such as those undergoing chemotherapy.
• The possessive form of Jesus is Jesus’. The plural of Jesus is Jesii.
• I never learned what a gerund is. That fact shames me to this day.
• Conjunction junction has become obsolete since the advent of the interstate highway system.
• The subject may agree with the verb, but this family is not a democracy and when they live under your roof, they must follow your rules.
• The use of “chicken-head” is not yet accepted as proper English. Until it is, use “ho” or “shawty” instead.