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January 02, 2005

Anticipation

I've been so proud of myself for my ability to wait relatively patiently to hear from any of the law schools I have applied to. I always imagined these weeks (months?) of waiting would be hard for me, that I would be obsessively checking e-mail and snail mail for word of acceptances or rejections. Instead, though, I've been resolved to the wait. I'll hear when I hear, and I have enough going on to keep me busy so I don't feel the need to check constantly for mail. After last week, however, I'm beginning to think that my apparent patience might be deceiving.

On Thursday I walked down the driveway to the mailbox and retrieved the medium-sized stack of letters waiting there. I flipped through the envelopes as I walked back to the house, and there among the last straggling Christmas cards and the usual bills and credit card applications was a letter-sized envelope from one of the Chicago schools I applied to. My heart skipped a little beat, and I pulled the envelope out and studied it intently, hoping that I might be able to discern its contents by ESP. I walked into the house and into the kitchen still holding the envelope and I placed the rest of the mail on the kitchen counter. I stood there for just a moment looking at the envelope in my hand, and I thought about how I would feel if it contained an acceptance and how I would feel if it contained a rejection. I debated for one quick second asking my husband to open it for me, but decided I couldn't take the time and that I wanted the initial viewing of and reaction to the contents to be mine alone. I took one more look at the return address and verified that it did indeed come from the admissions department of the law school, and then I flipped it over and ripped it open. I paused for one more moment with the enclosed page in my hand, then unfolded it and looked at the first sentence.

It was a newsletter. Which I had already read since I had received it via e-mail several days earlier.

I will remain patient, but I wish I'd hear something...soon!