Anticipation
This week feels like the worst finals period ever in the history of law school. And it’s not because of the law school final which takes place tomorrow night. Granted, I’m probably less prepared for this one than for any other law school final that I’ve ever taken and that’s causing me some anxiety. But I will be spending all day today and most of the morning tomorrow studying—cramming—to get ready for the test. Even though I’m less prepared, I’m also less nervous about this one. There’s something about cancer and chemotherapy that takes all the scariness out of law school exams. It no longer seems like the test is a matter of life and death. The “exam” I’m most nervous about is the one that’s taking place on Thursday.
The anticipation I feel about Thursday’s first chemo treatment kind of feels like the anticipation of a law school final, but one for which I am completely unprepared and for which there is no way to prepare. There’s no study guide, no practice exams, no lecture notes, and no commercial outline to help me get ready. I’m just on my own for this one. Like a law school final, it will last for three hours and I won’t be able to get up and leave or move around if I want to. Also like a final, I don’t know exactly what to expect or what is going to be included on the exam. Instead of having to wait four weeks to get a grade, however, I’ll only have to wait a day or so to get possible side-effects.
I think I should probably be happy for the intense exam prep that I’m working on this week, because it prevents me from being able to focus too much on the upcoming chemo treatment. I would be a basket case if I was thinking solely about Thursday with nothing to distract me. So it’s back to hearsay exceptions and prior inconsistent statements for the next 36 hours or so, then on to my date with nurses and needles on Thursday.
Comments
I know exactly what you mean about keeping your mind off of things -- when I was in the hospital on bedrest before my daughter was induced, I kept frustrating my doctors by making work phone calls. They didn't understand that working was what was keeping me sane while I waited it out.
Good luck with both "exams," Kim. You'll ace them!
Posted by: Shelley | July 24, 2007 12:58 PM
Good luck on *all* your exams! :)
Posted by: Dave! | July 24, 2007 01:21 PM
This is the first time I've been able to offer nothing...but encouragement. I wish I could tell you anything about what to expect, but I was lucky enough to skip this part.
Just know that you will be at the top of the list in my thoughts this week!
Posted by: Alison | July 24, 2007 02:32 PM
(((HUGS)))
Posted by: PT-LawMom | July 24, 2007 03:19 PM
When you arrive and start the chemo on Thursday, just picture all of us who care so much about you all around you in spirit and encouragement. We will all be there, I know- and maybe that will help you feel a little stronger- remember that you aren't alone! Very best wishes for the most uneventful chemo possible!
Posted by: Cynthia | July 24, 2007 04:10 PM
Hi, Kim-- thinking of you this week, and sending every single positive vibe I possibly can your way!! You can do it ALL, I just know you can.
love to you xoxo
Posted by: candygirlflies | July 25, 2007 10:37 AM
You need to talk to some folks who have been through it. If you are on the AC regimen, get all the anti-nausea meds you can. The only think that worked for my wife was the Zofran. Make sure you get a prescription for it. Also, give yourself plenty of time to rest and drink lots of water. This is a time to focus on getting well.
Posted by: Joel Maners | July 25, 2007 04:23 PM
I love you Kim. You'll get through this. You are the strongest woman I know.
Posted by: Cheryl | July 25, 2007 10:32 PM
My best to you! Keep your positive spirit up!!! :)
Posted by: Michele | July 26, 2007 02:22 PM