The Merits of the Case

The rest and antibiotics have kicked in and I am feeling much better today. I’m still tired, but that seems to be the recurring theme of my life these days so that’s no surprise. I lost my ability to taste anything again right after my last treatment, but it seems to be coming back today. Last time I was able to taste again for a couple of days before my treatment, so I’m hoping that happens again and that I’ll have a couple of days of pleasurable eating before I start the whole thing over again next week.

I have to admit that after this last week, I am getting worried about how I am going to be able to handle school during all of this. I was hoping that I’d feel fine and healthy during my non-treatment week so that it could just be a normal week, but so far that non-treatment week has been anything but normal. I do have only two more AC treatments, so it’s possible that my non-treatment week after Taxol will be easier and that I only have two more of the bad weeks to deal with. I just have to play it by ear, I think, and see what happens, but that is difficult because I am so much happier when I have a plan. This whole thing has been such a lesson for that Julie the Cruise Director in me. It’s hard for me to let go of the whole “plan ahead and for any eventuality” part of my personality.

Yesterday I was feeling well enough to venture out to the grocery store. I needed to go because we had two slices of bread and about ½ a cup of milk left in the house and although I seem to be able to subsist on soup and water, the rest of the family needs a little more than that. All three kids wanted to go with me, which I had mixed feelings about. I seem to spend twice as much and bring home a lot of stuff containing Unpronounceable Ingredients and Sugar when they are with me, not to mention the fact that Blake and Matthew tend to see a giant store with many shelves as some kind of personal paint ball arena. My fears were unfounded, however, because they turned out to be immensely helpful.

Karly drove us all there and parked straight in the parking space on her first try. Inside the store, Matthew pushed the cart and Karly and Blake ran reconnaissance and rescue missions around the store for various items on the list. Between the three of them, we covered the store in record time and I was saved from having to do all the running myself. We still ended up with a lot of things that weren’t on the list, but the trip was much easier than if I had done it myself.

Before we left the house, I put one of my scarves on my head. Karly suggested that I wear one of my wigs instead and at first I declined. She convinced me to do it, however, arguing that a trip to the grocery store where I probably wouldn’t see anyone I knew was a good opportunity to try wearing one to see what I thought about it. I decided she was right, so I wore the partial wig with a baseball hat. The partial wig only has hair from the side of the head above the ears down so that you can add any hat or scarf of your own on top.

And it was okay. The wigs feel so fake to me, as if I am playing a role or dressing up for Halloween. I did feel like I was wearing a costume, especially since I so rarely wear hats, but it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. It was hot and itchy and I took it off as soon as I got home, but it was bearable while I was at the store. I still don’t think I will wear them very often, but I also think that if I’m going shopping or to the grocery store or to a movie I might throw one on if I don’t feel like dealing with a scarf.