Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow
That title makes me think of an old Bugs Bunny episode, which of course would actually have been entitled “Hare Today, Gone Tomorrow.” Bugs Bunny aside, it is the right title for today’s post. My hair is gone.
And that is the worst side-effect of the day. Maybe the universe is giving me a break this time so that I can deal with the hair loss instead of the other stuff.
I feel relatively good today. I still have very minor bone discomfort, no appetite, and I’m still tired, but other than that today is much, much better than the Sunday after my first treatment.
When I got out of the shower this morning and tried to comb my hair, however, it mostly just came out in the comb. I decided that it was harder to watch it fall out bit by bit all around me than to just get rid of it, so I called Suzy. She came over and shaved my head, and that was that. The initial cuts were difficult, but now that it’s done it’s really not so bad. I’d rather have the hair I had last May, of course, but this is okay. But surprisingly cold! I never realized that my house was so drafty.
It’s a relief to have it over with, although I’m not really as prepared with head covers as I thought I was. I can’t quite figure out what the most comfortable look for me is yet…I’ve tried a wig, a baseball cap, a knit cap and a scarf, and am sticking with the scarf so far. My scalp is pretty tender right now so not everything feels comfortable on my head.
Family member reactions so far go something like this: Randy said that he thinks it looks good and that I have nicely shaped head. Matthew was very concerned about how I was going to look when I told him Suzy was going to shave my head, but he seemed relieved when he saw me and said I still just look like myself. Blake said I look different and wondered when I would have my own hair back again. (Karly is at work and hasn’t yet seen the new do…or lack of one.)
I think that the most difficult part of the hair loss is that it is such a visible sign of what I am going through. With hair, the librarian, the Starbucks barista, and the grocery bagger have no idea that I have breast cancer. The bald head makes it immediately and dramatically apparent that something is going on. I have been worried about the reactions of strangers to my lack of hair…I don’t want to see pity or fear on their faces, even though I’m sure that I will. But now that it’s gone I find that the trepidation I was feeling about those reactions has faded quite a bit.
I’m not quite ready to post a picture yet, but I will let you know when I do.
Comments
Kim, thanks for posting candidly on something that has to be incredibly hard to deal with.
If you'd rather not answer this, I'd understand, but I am curious as someone who wouldn't know what to say: how would you like people to react when they see you sans-coiffure? Would you want them to act as if nothing has happened, or to offer sympathy?
My gut reaction would be to ask how you're feeling and let you talk about it or not, but would that come across as pity?
Posted by: Shelley | August 12, 2007 12:47 PM
Kim - Welcome to the Chemo Poster Girl months. I was so glad to have that portion over and done with. That was the one and only benefit I could ever see to wearing a wig... that it would not be readily evident to everyone I passed that I was a cancer patient.
I found that most people just stuck to asking how I was and actually meaning it. There was one time, tho, that this young woman chased me down in Target right after I lost my hair and said, "You have cancer right?" I was very put off and embarrassed. She was a childhood cancer survivor, apparently but I still felt very much like she had stripped me naked in public and did not appreciate it much.
Posted by: Imstell | August 12, 2007 01:29 PM
Oh, Kim... this must be a difficult adjustment for you. But I'm sure you'll handle it with the same class and grace that you've handled all the other stuff so far.
Thinking of you xox
Posted by: candygirlflies | August 12, 2007 04:08 PM
You are SO brave! People get scared and I think that's why they react so visibly to bald heads. Without that visible reminder, you can pretend it won't strike home. I just found out this week that a sweet woman at my work who is 6 months pregnant and only in her mid-30's was just diagnosed and has to forego treatment until she gives birth. Let me tell you, that puts life in perspective. Hopefully you have one of those cute, sassy wigs just waiting for you to wear out so you can pick the moments when you want people to know and ask questions. (((HUGS)))
Posted by: PT-LawMom | August 12, 2007 04:41 PM
Thanks for sharing. I know that you are hurting right now. That's ok. Just let yourself feel what you are feeling. Sometimes,it's easy to guilt yourself into thinking that you shouldn't be upset. I hear people say all the time, "It's just hair." Yeah right. It's "just hair" when it's someone else's hair. Just realize that it's ok to grieve. Your hair is a part of you. Losing it is just as traumatic as losing another part of your body. It will come back though and you will be whole again. The hair loss is a sign that the meds are working and that you are getting better.
Posted by: Joel Maners | August 12, 2007 05:00 PM
I am sorry to hear that another thing you dreaded has come to pass...but at the same time, I am hoping that by crossing one more thing off your list, you will feel that this journey is moving along and you are making progress, which you undoubtedly are. I will be praying for peace within you as you make one more adjustment, and that the coming weeks will fly by until it's time for that hair to start growing back. It's also such good news that the side effects this time weren't as severe- I hope that makes your week a little easier. Take good care.
Posted by: Cynthia | August 12, 2007 09:12 PM
I think you look great without hair.
:-)
Wishing we lived closer so we could go to the grocery store bald TOGETHER!
Let 'em talk!
Posted by: WhyMommy | August 13, 2007 11:27 PM
Userful blog. Thanks!
Posted by: Debikf | September 21, 2007 01:55 AM