The Merits of the Case

Today’s oncologist waiting room music selection: Surrender by Cheap Trick. And I’m beginning to think the songs they play are meaningful and symbolic after all.

I was at the doctor’s office bright and early this morning for a blood test, and Mommy’s definitely alright today. Or at the very least, a whole heck of a lot better than she was the Tuesday after her first treatment. My body is responding much better this time than after my first round of chemo.

My blood counts are down but they are not at 0. I’m exhausted because I’m anemic, but the nurse’s recommendation was to increase the iron in my diet. She also said that although I might respond this way after the next treatment, it also might be worse. And I already knew that. Some people experience a cumulative effect with chemo where each treatment gets harder than the last. I’m going to try not to worry too much about that for the next week or so and just enjoy feeling not awful.

Today’s excursion to the doctor’s office was my first venture out in public sans hair, and I was a bit nervous about it. I showered and put on full make up this morning, then carefully coordinated my scarf with my outfit. I felt dressed when I left the house, but I wasn’t sure what it would be like to walk through the parking lot and into the medical building without hair. But it was okay…no one stared or gasped or cried or anything like that when they saw me. And I was in the parking lot of a cancer center, so it’s not like the sight of a woman in a scarf was really all that unusual.

The nurse I saw today was one that I haven’t met before (or at least I don’t remember meeting her before). She greeted me by telling me that I looked beautiful, which was just what I needed to hear. “Beautiful” is not what I think when I look in the mirror right now. I think she sensed that the lack of hair was new for me and she told me immediately that the nurses often discuss the fact that there are some women who can “do bald” and that she thought I was one of those women. That made me feel so good, and I was immensely grateful to her for making my maiden voyage into public so much easier.

After I got home, I still felt pretty good so I took Karly to Material Pickup Day at the high school to get her books and locker assignment. I was nervous about going someplace where there would be people I know who might not know what was going on. I was also nervous for Karly and worried that she would feel like people were staring at me--and at her--while we were there. She surprised me by scoffing at my concerns and telling me that she didn’t care at all if people looked, and that she didn’t think they would, anyway. And she was absolutely right. People didn’t care. I saw people I knew who may or may not have known what I was going through, and each one greeted me just as they would have if I had hair on my head.

I’m relieved to have those initial public excursions out of the way and to know that I am going to be able to handle this whole bald thing. And here is your first view of my new look. I don’t have a picture of my bare head yet, but I’ll share it with you as soon as I do.