The Merits of the Case

I am happy to report that my third chemo treatment is officially under my belt. Only one more AC treatment to go, not to mention whatever side-effects I am destined to suffer through in the next week or so. It doesn’t sound like a lot on paper, but it feels like a lot from this side of the table.

Yesterday’s treatment was about the same as the others. I had class in the morning and then returned to the suburbs for my treatment. It was actually a relief to get to go to class before chemo, because it completely took my mind off my absolute dread of the treatment. The privileges and immunities clause of the 14th Amendment is worlds away from Adriamycin and Cytoxan and mouth sores and blood tests and was a welcome distraction.

While I was at the doctor’s office sitting in my fancy green vinyl chair hooked up to my poison drip, I talked briefly with a 60 year old woman who was just finishing up her treatment when I arrived. I’ve seen her in the office before…I think she’s almost done. The first couple of times I saw her at the beginning of the summer she was bald. Yesterday she had hair. Very short hair, granted, but hair nonetheless. I also talked briefly with another woman who I have met before who is exactly one week ahead of me in her treatment schedule. She was there for her weekly blood test. She looked great, and told me that she teaches middle school math and that yesterday was her first day back at school. She has chosen to wear a wig when she teaches, and we laughed about how very hot and itchy and uncomfortable they are. She thought it would be easier for the kids if she did that and that they would be less uncomfortable.

I did get some bad news from my oncologist yesterday...or at least what I consider bad news. He told me that the Taxol treatments (treatments 5-8) take 5 hours to administer and that I am going to have to start them in the morning in order to have enough time to finish them. This means that I am going to have to miss both of my classes every other Thursday instead of just one. I explained to him how delicately balanced my schedule is and asked if I had any other alternative, perhaps to switch my treatment day from Thursday to Wednesday. I can’t do that, though. Since my treatments are every two weeks we can’t deviate from the schedule. It is really important, apparently, to have them exactly two weeks apart. He did tell me that I could get my treatments somewhere downtown instead, but that doesn’t really solve the problem. I would still have to miss part of my morning class to do that and then I would end up 50 miles away from home at rush hour. I think I am just going to have to ask my school to tape the morning class as well as the afternoon class on those Thursdays. And I’m sure they will, but I hate having to ask. They’ve already done so much for me.

A few observations I want to note for my own future reference…

--I have described the way I feel after my treatments as being in a fog or trying to live in oatmeal. Everything feels really slow and sluggish. Last night I decided that it feels a little like having a couple of drinks, but without feeling drunk. My mind feels slow and unable to process things quickly and I feel as if I can’t really communicate very well. This sluggishness begins to happen sometime during the treatment and lasts for several hours afterward. Yesterday I was reading for my Constitutional Law class during my treatment. I started out okay, but about half-way through I realized that I was no longer comprehending what I was reading. So I put that book away and picked up some lighter reading instead.

--When Suzy cut my hair a couple of weeks ago she left a little 1-2 mm fuzz on my head. Much of that fell out over the subsequent days, but I still have some hair left on my head. And it is growing. I actually have to keep up with it, because it gets so long that it pokes through my scarves. Unfortunately it seems like the only hair that’s growing is the hair on the very top and in the back in the middle of my head. I think if I let it grow I could have a really awesome Mohawk. If people stare at the scarves, can you imagine how they would react to a Mohawk? It would be a pretty weak and patchy Mohawk because only certain spots grow. There is also hair on the sides of my head, but it is a really faint blond fuzz. I am going to ask Suzy to take a look at it and see if she can predict how it would look if I let it all grow. Wouldn’t it be awful if I had shaved my head for nothing? I don’t think that’s the case, but I am beginning to wonder if I’m actually going to lose it all. I know that I have promised to post a picture sans head covering, and I will. I don’t have one to post yet, but will have somebody take one soon.

--My trip downtown was much less traumatic for me yesterday, thanks in large part to all your supportive comments after my last post. People on the train platform didn’t seem to be looking at me quite as much as they did on Tuesday, and I definitely felt more confident. I noticed both on Tuesday and yesterday that once I am in the city people seem to look and stare much less than they do here in the suburbs. The population in any large city is so much more diverse, and the people who live and work there are so used to seeing other people who are “different” in so many ways. I don’t think those differences have quite the same impact on them as they do on people who live in smaller towns. There’s probably a very interesting sociological study in there somewhere.

--This is not an observation about me, but I want to point out the outstanding news my friend and fellow breast cancer fighter WhyMommy got yesterday. She is having chemotherapy before surgery for her IBC, and she found out yesterday that the chemo seems to be working. The signs of cancer are diminishing. She also posted some interesting information about IBC and her treatment here and here if you are interested.