Putting One Foot in Front of the Other
I felt better on Sunday, although I was still in some pain. It was concentrated in my legs and hips yesterday, though, instead of all over my whole body. Today I still have an echo of pain in my legs and hips, but it is much more manageable and seems to be lessening bit by bit as the day progresses. I am also very tired, but have somehow managed to get my homework done.
Up to this point, the Taxol has been very different from the AC, which is exactly what everyone told me. So far I have felt much better with the Taxol. Although I hurt this weekend and wasn't able to move very much, I didn't feel completely knocked out of commission by the medicine. That probably doesn't make much sense since I was pretty much out of commission, but I find that it's much easier for me to handle pain than it is to handle feeling terrible and sick. Other side effects include the inability to taste (but it's not as extreme as it was with th AC), constipation, and the continued thinning of the rest of my hair (eyebrows and eyelashes). No mouth sores or loss of appetite so far (knock on wood).
I was assigned to prepare oral presentations for both of my classes for tomorrow, and today I e-mailed one of my professors to ask her if she would not call on me tomorrow. On the Tuesdays after my treatments I have found that I struggle a bit both physically and mentally. It’s all I can do just to get downtown and go to class and get home again. She very kindly agreed not to call on me, which takes a load of worry off my mind. I also warned the professor in my other class that I might not be up to giving an oral presentation, and he was also very kind and considerate about it. I have to say that I HATE to ask for special treatment like that, though. That is so against everything that I am. It is really hard for me to admit and to accept that I am not up to my normal abilities and that I can’t do everything that I usually can. It’s just another reason for me to be angry with breast cancer.
Comments
Kim, I am so glad that you were able to call your profs., and that they are being kind to you. Trust me, they know what a determined, devoted student you are, and I'm certain that they'd be able to tell just how difficult it is for you to ask for help.
Just remember that the "special treatment" is because you are a special person. You're kicking the crap out of cancer, and it takes more bravery and strength to do THAT than it does to do a zillion oral presentations.
Go easy on yourself, and rest as much as you feel you need to-- promise, okay?
xo CGF
Posted by: candygirlflies | September 24, 2007 01:43 PM
Be angry. I hear it's really healthy. I wouldn't really know... I haven't managed that one yet. Let me know how it works out. Perhaps you could get good & ticked for both of us, eh?
Posted by: imstell | September 24, 2007 02:33 PM
Your professors sound great. And I know what you mean about asking for special treatment - or help. That was one of the hardest things for me, too.
I have moments where I still get angry at the breast cancer. Yeah, I'm cancer-free. Yeah, I have my hair. Yeah, my life is pretty much back to normal. But some things will never be the same and while I've accepted that for the most part, some times it just pisses me off. Freakin' cancer!
Posted by: Jenster | September 25, 2007 06:43 PM