The Merits of the Case

I know, I know…I’ve been MIA. I’ve been a bit preoccupied with finals and shopping and fighting spam bots, but I think I’ve gotten through the worst of it all. Well, I don’t know about the spam bots, but they’re at least under control even if they’re not yet completely vanquished. Finals prep is mostly to blame for the dearth of posting though. There’s something about preparing to write for 3 hours straight per test that totally messes up your writing mojo.

My last final brought a big sigh of relief. I can’t believe I made it through this semester and out the other side. I have no idea how I did, but I do know that I feel like I worked harder this semester than any other. My final final brought some comic relief, as well. The first sentence of the third and last question started like this, “John Smith is terminally ill with cancer.” When I first read it my heart sank, and I wondered if maybe I would end up crying while reading the fact pattern. I didn’t cry, though, and was able to write down something resembling an analysis of John Smith’s problem, which was that he wanted to have access to potentially life-saving drugs that had been banned by the FDA, yadda, yadda, yadda.

So finals are over and I fought the crowds to purchase the last Christmas gift today, so now it’s on to cleaning and cooking and preparing for a houseful of family over the next week or so.

And then I have to figure out what I’m going to write about. I’ve had more than enough to choose from over the past 8 months, but now that every day isn’t a struggle life has started to fall back into its normal, boring patterns for the most part. And I am so thankful for those normal, boring patterns. I love and appreciate how wonderful it is when my biggest concern is what I’m going to make for dinner or whose turn it is to carpool. I love being able to eat whatever I want and I love feeling good every day. But all this banality definitely cuts into my interesting writing material.

For today, I’ll leave you with an update about where I am. My hair is growing every day. It’s still short and thin and I keep it covered for warmth, but it’s very visible to everyone who sees my head. It has turned from light blond to dark blond (or possibly brown…it’s hard to tell what the color is right now). I also can’t tell yet if it’s going to be curly or straight. But I do find myself staring longingly at the top of my head in the mirror each night before I go to sleep, willing the hair to grow faster and longer and rubbing my hand over it to feel it. I also have new eyelashes! Unlike my hair, they are growing more rapidly than I would have expected. They are not very thick, but they are getting there. I even threw a tube of mascara in my cart while I was at Target this morning. I don’t think there is much to put it on yet, but I’m hoping that by next week I can actually use it. Small steps, right?

My nails are also growing fairly rapidly, which means that the part that was damaged by that last round of AC is on the top half of my nails now. The damaged part is quite brittle and weak so they keep breaking all the time, but it won’t be long until it’s all gone. I hope that I’ll be left with strong pink nails once the damaged stuff is gone.

Physically I feel great. Finals cut into my yoga time as well as my writing time, so I haven’t done much physical activity in the past couple of weeks. However, I think I am ready to go back to a regular work-out of some kind, and plan to do that once the holiday rush is behind me. Often when I wake up in the morning I find myself doing a self-check, half expecting to have some kind of bone pain or nausea. And each time I am immensely relieved and happy to realize that I’m done with that and that there’s nothing to keep me from feeling great every day. I suppose I have to begrudgingly thank cancer for teaching me to never take my health for granted, and to appreciate all the strength and health and vitality in my body every day.

I have a follow-up visit with the radiologist tomorrow and a follow-up mammogram scheduled for next week. I am already nervous about the mammogram, even while I’m anxious to get it done so that I know where things stand in there. It will be a diagnostic mammogram and I have scheduled it for the same place I had the diagnostic mammogram last April. On that day, the radiologist’s reaction to the films led me to believe that the lump I had found a few days before might be something very bad. My hope is that this trip to the same room has a very different result.