I am amazed when I think about all the different hair styles I have had in the last year and a half, many of them chronicled by photos on this blog. My hair has been long-ish, light blonde, dark blonde, shoulder length, chin length, short, crew cut, shaved, gone, curly, wavy, and straight. My closets and drawers are overflowing with wigs, hats, headbands, barrettes, elastic bands, and scarves. The cupboard under my bathroom sink is chock full of shampoo, conditioner, gel, mousse, pomade, serum, and hairspray for blonde hair, long hair, baby hair, short hair, straight hair and curly hair. My hair has had an identity crisis.

While I was going through the process of losing, mourning, and growing my hair, I wrote here about how I noticed everyone’s hair more than I ever did before. One of the first things I noticed about people when I didn’t have any hair was the color, texture, length, amount, and style of theirs. It is still one of the first things I notice, even though I have more of my own.

My hair started to come in a little straighter at some point in the last few months, until it began to drive me really crazy. I had straight/wavy hair on top and curls on the bottom, and I couldn’t do anything except put it back in a headband every day. I finally made an appointment with my hairdresser, took in an old picture of my hair circa 2006, and asked her if she thought we could make that happen now. She washed and highlighted and snipped and razored, and my hair now resembles my old hair. I have to straighten it each morning to get the ends to match the rest of it, but it is my hair. I kept trying to appreciate the curls while I had them, but all I really wanted was to have my old hair back.

Now I spend a lot of time touching it, running my hands through it, and reveling in the feeling of it blowing in the wind. I still have a “bad hair day” from time to time, but I find that I’m not as concerned about that as I once would have been. I have hair, and that is enough.

I was showing someone at work pictures of my family last week and we came upon pictures of me from two years ago. My hair was shoulder length and bright blonde back then, and he was taken aback by the image. I thought about it later, and realized that he has only ever known me with dark blonde super-short and curly hair—he never thought of me as a blonde with long hair. My cancer experience is so much a part of me that it is hard for me to imagine that people who are just meeting me for the first time now have no idea. They don’t know how it has changed me, because they didn’t know me before the diagnosis. They don’t think of me as “Kim who had breast cancer” because they only know me as “Kim.”

But when I think about myself now, I almost always think about my cancer experience. It is as much a part of me as the descriptors of “mom” and “law student” and “short.” I am surprised by that, and by my inability to escape it. When I was in the middle of treatment, I dreamed about the day that it would be over and that I could stop thinking about it. I am finding that even when the treatment is over, however, it isn’t something that is easily forgotten. And just as I am getting used to my new hair, I am still getting used to a new world order that includes my identity as a cancer survivor.

Pictures of the current hair style to come soon….

The last time I did this was in August just before the walk. That day was warm and sunny, and we didn’t have to be at the studio until 8:45 a.m. This time we had to be there at 5:45 a.m., and there was no sun or warmth to be found as we headed downtown at 4:30 a.m. We parked relatively close to the NBC studio, but it was still a cold, dark walk through the all but silent and deserted city streets this morning. We sloshed through icy slush and stepped carefully over treacherously snow-covered sidewalks to get to the same “secret door” we entered last August.

Just like last time, we waited in the NBC “greenroom” with the other guests (a “fashion expert and author” and a representative of Hawthorne Mall) and some NBC staff members until it was time for us to go on. In August, the anchor (Ellee Pai Hong) came to talk to us before the interview, but this time we were on our own until it was time for us to walk to the news desk area and take our seats. As we rounded the corner from the backstage/control area to the studio area, we saw three tall chairs set up directly across from the news desk surrounded by several cameras and lights. An employee told us to choose a seat as she pointed us toward the chairs. As soon as we were in the room, everything began to speed up. Alex Perez, the anchor who interviewed us this morning, walked over to where we were sitting, sat down on his chair, and started reviewing his notes and asking me questions about myself and the walk. At the same time, crew members miked Randy and me. The woman who was miking me was obviously frustrated with the tangled cord of my mike, and she was still desperately trying to untangle it as the countdown to on-air began. She got it untangled and clipped on, and then another crew member ran up to re-tuck the front of my shirt just before the cameras started rolling.

As it did in August, the interview itself went very quickly and I hardly remember what Alex asked or what I answered. I do, however, remember the wrong answer I gave when he asked me about registering for the walk now. I told him it was a good idea to register now because it takes six to eight months to train and fundraise for the walk, but I was supposed to say it takes four to six months. Oops!

Here is a link to a video of the interview on YouTube. It was recorded from a TV so it's a little fuzzy but you can get the idea. If you are thinking about participating in the Breast Cancer 3-Day here in Chicago or anywhere else, it is a good time to register. If you are in Chicago and would like to join The Chest Nuts, we would love to have you. Randy and I will be crewing rather than walking this year, but it sounds like quite a few of The Chest Nuts will be walking again. You can join our team by clicking on the link on this page. You can also find out information about the walk in other cities from that page. And if camping isn't your thing and you would rather just make a donation, you can do that, too.

Update: As far as I can tell, the story will be in the print copy on Thursday, January 8th on page E6.

Update: There is an audio interview, too. To listen to the audio, just look on the left hand side of the screen right under the picture in the article. You will see a box that says "Multimedia" with a play button and my name just underneath that. You can listen to me, then Dave Shack, and then just let it loop and listen to us both over and over and over again. Just what you want to do, I know. :)

A month or so ago I got an e-mail from my friend Ree telling me that she was going to be in Chicago for a couple of days. We had been talking about meeting one another during one of her (not infrequent) trips here and it just so happened that she was going to be here on one of my school days. Everything fell into place, so I went to meet her one evening at The Reagle Beagle after class.

I walked into the nearly deserted bar, rounded a corner, and there she was. It was so much fun to meet her in person, and she is every bit as funny and kind and irreverent and fabulous as she seems on her blog. I was so thrilled to get to spend some time with her. I’ve met quite a few “internet friends” in real life over the years, and sometimes, as soon as you see them in person, you feel like you already know them. Meeting them in person doesn’t change anything about what you know…it just adds sound and movement to the picture in your mind. That is exactly how I felt about meeting Ree. And if you’ve never read her blog before you’re in for a treat. (And Ree, you can bunk on my couch ANYTIME you are in town!)

And as an added bonus, Ree had invited other friends of hers to join her for a drink, too. Since we were all bloggers, it turned into an official Blogger Meet Up. The conversation was fun and interesting and I was so happy to get a chance to meet both Kristabella and Stephanie. I had such a good time talking with them that I didn’t even realize that the theme of the bar we were in was based on 70s TV shows (remember the Reagle Beagle from Three’s Company?) until just before I left. They all laughed when it suddenly dawned on me that we were surrounded by pictures of The Brady Bunch and The Love Boat cast and that the drinks had names like The Tootie and Blair Cocktail.

Kim, Ree, Stephanie, and Kristabella