November 13, 2005
...are tough time... I spend atleast an hour wondering what I want to get out of this week, what do I need to finish, how much work do I have to do.... and then finally feeling overwhelmed. Then I spend an hour online...looking for distractions, and today I ended up on book in Amazon describing all the other things I can do with a law degree besides becoming a lawyer. There are some things about lawyering that I like. And there is a LOT of very boring work involved too. In my internship I have 4000 pages of document review waiting for me. Ridiculous. Pointless.... for an internship. I wanted to learn.... thats why I went there... guess I'm learing the reality of doing Antitrust work.
So...do I want to be a lawyer? I realize that I am not going to be some hot shot partner at Skadden, thats is out for my future.... Law school can be a total gut check like that.... if you really want it.. .you gotta work for it... so the real question is what do you REALLY want? because if you find that... you will get it. I know what I am spending most of my time doing at my internship is NOT what I really want... I know what I do like though.. .and that is oral argument, brief writing, presentation about issues that I find compelling....
But where do I find a forum to do that...? that is the point of my next search....for a summer job.
May 16, 2005
Lessons to take from studying for finals
Ok, this is for those of you who are in the other 90%. These are the most practical tips that I can possibly give you. Heed these words. I have my Civil Procedure Final tomorrow, and I WISH, WISH, WISH, someone had told me this before I started law school, and FORCED me to go through with it.
Step 1 - Summer before your 1L year, BUY "Examples and Explanations; Civil Procedure" by Glannon.
Step 2 - FINISH THE BOOK COVER TO COVER! Including all the explanations.
The one thing I really didn't understand last fall is that ALL law school course MUST cover a prescribed curriculum from the ABA. Therefore, everythng you need to know IS accurately covered in the Study Aids. You can trust them. You will learn that material IN CLASS.
If you do these two steps you will have a HUGE head start. 1/5th of your class load will be extraordinarily lightened. You will walk into class KNOWING what your teacher is talking about, and THEREFORE, you will be able to actually learn what they WANT to hear instead of trying to figure it out on the run. Then when exams come around (for me, my Civ Pro exam is TOMORROW!) you will be able to focus on putting down what they want to hear!
If you don't do this, you will be where I am now. I am struggling to figure it all out. Struggling to get through all the cases. Realizing that there is no way I am going to do well. Basically, giving up. DON'T end up in my situation.
Now, IF you can, do the same thing that you did for Civ Pro with Contracts also. Contracts and Civ Pro are the two hardest classes. Every school has them in the first year.
April 07, 2005
"To live is to function; that is all there is to living."
Well.... I did well in my practice orals! I have to do the finals now next week... but anyway, it has been motivating. I didn't break down, I didn't fall apart... I didn't melt... I thought all that might happen. But when your up there on the podium, and you know what your talking about, it just comes naturally. Thank GOD!
April 04, 2005
I wanted to be a better student today.. a bit disappointed in myself. There is a certain amount of apathy/inertia that must be overcome in order to start working. Once you start moving though, it seems to be a self sustaining momentum. I need to find a trick to break the inertia quickly. The problem of course, is that I know my own tricks. Ha.
Well this is it... now is when things get serious... now is when I have to start playing catch up for all the slacking I have been doing all year. Is it doable in a month? Do I care? I think I just need to measure my performance against myself. Can I cover all the topics that I need to cover... can I do a good job? Most importantly.. .did I really try? Did I put in the necessary effort? Will I be proud of what I did?
April 01, 2005
Well its done
The final draft of my Moot Court Brief got submitted today. No matter how many times we said we would get it done in advance, it still came in at the last minute...in fact, an hour late. Although, this time, at least, I was done with my portion a couple hours in advance. My partner, seemed to run long. However, I still didn't have the kind of time to do the careful rewriting I promised myself I would do. It is however, FAR better than our rough draft....Shieza! ANYWAY... this has been hell week. Didnt't even bother going to class... spent all my days... full time with my friend Westlaw. So I learned how to do legal research... woopeee.... actually, it was kinda fun to finda a case that was exactly on point. That was cool. You get this feeling like you are hammering nails in the other guys coffin. ... maybe I want to be a litigator after all... After an hour and a half of sleep in the middle of the afternoon, I almost feel human again. Maybe I will go to the gym.... Now I start to understand when people described the first year of law school as hellish....
I feel like this:
March 29, 2005
The downfall of pride
So... I discovered that I made a seriously flawed approach to my Moot Court Brief. I thought I was doing such a great job too...and then in the end I have to completely throw out my arguments, and almost start over. This is sad... I feel pathetic. I feel like I have been on the wrong track with this for the past two months.... what a enormous f'ing waste... I could have done such a better job if I had figured out this problem properly from the beginning. At least I know what the f I'm doing now... the funny thing is, more than one of my classmates told me I was screwing up... but none of them could quite explain to me why. My ego was bit too swollen to allow me to take them seriously. Well... I understand it REALLY REALLY well now.
I know none of this makes sense to anybody else...sorry... it was more for me.
Already missed a day...
I said I would write in this every day, and I already missed a day.
I actually got up this morning at 6:30 am and went to the gym for 20 minutes. It was good, in that it woke me up nicely... but I feel a little sleepy now. Time for class! and maybe some coffee...
I will keep writing in this, daily, for the next month.
March 27, 2005
There is a cycle
That everyone goes through... I think. Apathy....Energy...Apathy... etc. Some people stay on the high or the low longer than others. But they are basically mood swings. They are driven by the things that we say to ourselves about our own abilities and actions.. our self dialog. I have seriously been on the down slope for awhile...and I think I hit bottom. So I promised myself... for the next 30 days, I am going to put my best effort into my work. I am NOT going to worry about the results, I am just going to do what I need to do as well as I can. I want to have some pride in what I do. Come April 30th, I want to be able to say I spent these last 30 days well. I lived them, I did what I needed to do, I did what i WANTED to do... I will not regret them. Every day... I will come here and write where I am in the cycle... how I am progressing. Writing in this blog is a matter of facing myself, facing my fear of disappointment, facing my negativity, facing my laziness, and calling myself to attention. I will not go silently into the night....
January 29, 2005
Back to school... but a new beginning.
So.. Back in school at last.. and reading my old posts. It's surprising but reading your own words is the best way to bring back old feelings... and suddenly I'm getting back all the anger that I left with. Its good... actually, its not something that should be forgotten...
But I am at a New Beginning.... Fortunately, I did well in the only class that had a final grade that effected my GPA. So for now I have a chance to recover from the rest of the misery.... the only class I had thought I did well in ... I got a B-. Motivation... its all just motivation!
December 22, 2004
Anger is good motivation...
Finals are over....
and I'm angry.
My friends are out drinking right now...celebrating...
and I'm angry.
Everyone is soooo happy that its over with...
"Losers try their best... winners go home and fuck the prom queen." -- a famous spy.
December 10, 2004
Well... I was lying in bed... worry about my upcoming exams... and suddenly, I thought back over my whole life. I am almost 30... its been a pretty long time. Thats when I realized that in the scope of my existence... these next couple weeks are pretty insignificant. In fact, law school itself isn't all that important. Its just something I am doing right now.... My life has been very good. I am quite happy with many of my experiences. I have many more things that I want to experience... but nothing "hangs in the balance" ... this is not a life or death situation. Sure, some opportunties may come and go, and I do want to do as well as possible... but my life is full, and happy, and all I need to do is put forth a bit of effort, confidently, and with the assurance that in the perspective of all the years I have already been on this earth...and the many more I have ahead of me... this next week or two are not pivotal. I am more than just my grades. A lot more.
December 08, 2004
Law School is Easy...
IF you can take it at your own pace. No one is in law school without having studied for many many years. We know how to study. The problem seems to be that I got caught in the law school hype...and the crazy pace that people try to maintain... all that did was drive me crazy... and send me on a downward spiral of dispair... trying to compare myself to others.
NOTHING in Law school is particularly difficult to comprehend. There is just a LOT of it.
December 07, 2004
1 Week Till Finals
Alright... One week to go. In typical bad student fashion I have put off most of my serious studying until the last possible moment. So for all you other 90%'ers out there... your not alone. The one trap I constantly fall in to is saying to myself.. "I am the ONLY one that could be SOOOO stupid as to put all this off until the last minute"... but of course.. I am not... nor are you. Don't worry.. but don't plan on getting any A's either.
Unfortunately, I have pretty much resigned myself to getting a B average this semester. I have learned a lot about the law school experience... i don't think I am generally as stressed out as your average 1L, but that might also be due to my generally laid back attitude towards life.
Not to say I haven't tried to change... I try to be the aggressive New York high strung attorney...but it just isn't me. I am relaxed... I am generally non-confrontational, a live and let live kind of person. I can get excited about a legal issue, but there has to be some kernel of REAL truth at the heart of the discussion. Unfortunately, a lot of time in Law School is spent learning LEGAL FICTIONS.